CARE CARDS | Allison Avalon

BECAUSE WE CARE

WELCOME TO C.A.R.E. CARDS

CARE CARDS is a communication deck for couples who prefer fewer meltdowns, faster makeups, and far less damage from the emotional toddlers wreaking havoc in their internal worlds.

Organized into sections: Connection/Care, Acknowledge/Attune, Repair/Respect, Empathy/Emotions, and Defenses/Deepen, each card offers one clear, usable step to draw upon during those moments when your responsible adult selves may have left the building and left your unsupervised inner children mischievously attempting arson.

These cards support intimate partners in practicing healthy communication, particularly during conflict. Their uses are flexible, depending on what themes your relationship is exploring, avoiding, or wrestling to the ground this week.

Why C.A.R.E. Cards?

We created this deck because we love each other, we love love, and we have learned the hard way that love is often not enough. We need tools. Tools we can remember to utilize while the house is metaphorically on fire.

We also learned that “healthy communication” is not one of humanity’s standard-issue features. Our early environments sculpt our attachment styles and communication habits, and trauma can render our activated selves master saboteurs. Since schools rarely offer “Intro to Not Freaking Out During Vulnerability,” adults must learn these skills through trial, error, and often messy chaos. Because anything worth doing is worth doing poorly at first, we decided to upgrade our conflict communication skills.

C.A.R.E. CARDS emerged from this effort. They help. A lot. Thus far, we have not burned the house down, nor rarely even wanted to.

OUR STORY

We are Allison and Leon Avalon. My partner Leon's childhood was tragic, reflecting a 10/10 ACEs score (Adverse Child Experiences). Mine was relatively ordinary and still earned me a 4/10. Research suggests that scores 3 or above increase the likelihood of attachment wounds, nervous system dysregulation, depression, anxiety, ADHD, and can manifest in intimate relationships that feel less like a happy ever after fairy tale and more like The Twilight Zone.

Though we appear functional and secure, he leans avoidant/disorganized, which kicks off my anxious attachment, which then encourages his avoidance, and so on—the inner-child equivalent of tossing lit matches back and forth. His core wound tells him, “The truth is dangerous,” while mine insists, “Only truth is safe.” A charming dynamic resembling a merry-go-round that never stops.

We eventually discovered that difficult conversations were far less difficult when we chose intentional times to sit and discuss triggering topics. Even better when we had a set of simple reference note cards nearby, reminders of the tools we had learned in books, podcasts, therapy, and through tending the emotional triage from our nuclear fallouts.

Instead of interrupting each other mid-spiral with earnest advice (which tends to wake the inner fire-starters), we could discretely lift a card—far less provoking, and far more effective.

Then we realized we could use the cards pro-actively, and utilize them on purpose to cultivate greater intimacy and connection before we even set the kindling. We could even gamify the cards and see who can utilize the most connected communication cards and who could earn the most of the Royal set.

From post-it note cards to C.A.R.E. CARDS, these tools help us de-escalate more efficiently and put out the fires before we get burned.

WANT THE FULL STORY?

THE C.A.R.E. CARD DECK

10- Connect

10-Acknowledge

10-Repair

8-Intro

4-Jokers

10-Royal

10-Empathy

6-DIY

5-Defenses

5-Deepen

10-C CARDS

AGREEMENTS FOR USE

It takes two to tango. Participate emotionally and physically; your inner child can spectate but may not drive.
Use the cards to create connection and safety, not as evidence in an emotional trial or as a passive-aggressive smoke signal.
What you resist persists. If your partner shows you a card, consider— at least briefly—that they may be right and your inner child may, in fact, be holding a match.
When shown a card, follow the prompt fully. Half-hearted attempts simply agitate restless inner children.
Establish a safe word (STOP). BANANA, ICE CREAM, and WALRUS are provided; select one that suits your fancy. Or DIY one that is as equally ridiculous and unlikely to be said mid-argument. Blank cards provided.
Be honest with yourself. Blind spots remain blind until you turn within to face your stuff.
Choose love over fear, especially when fear is shouting louder.
Seek professional support if “Shadow D’s” become regular house guests. They wear out their welcome quite quickly.

WANT A DECK OF CARE CARDS?

GREAT! We are delighted you are excited for this cutting-edge tool! Please join our mailing list and let us know you want to be added to the wait list. They will be ready for purchase in 2026!

SUGGESTED USES

Draw randomly OR intentionally from the deck whenever communication begins to resemble a dumpster fire.
Select a spread of relevant cards and keep them nearby and visible; lift one as needed—ideally before your inner children transform into pyromaniacs.
Shuffle and draw “C” cards to cultivate connection and douse the flames.
Use “A” or “R” cards when accountability or repair is required before wildfire breaks out.
Draw “E” cards when empathy has left the room, and your partner seems as heartless as the tin man.
Utilize “D” cards to identify shadow defense strategies and replace them with something less combustible.
Choose your own adventure. Create your own rules, and revise together, as a team, as needed.

BE AWARE

C.A.R.E. CARDS may surface deep feelings—shame, trauma, grief, anger, fear, or anything your nervous system has been saving “for later.” Working with them requires courage and a willingness to grow, especially when your inner children are loudly calling for battle.

Go slow. Listen. Feel. Heal. Let peace begin within.

Build and tend relationships that burn like a warm, comforting hearth, the heart of home.